My mother used to tell the story that when I was little, I was very shy – to the point that she wondered if I would ever leave the house. It’s curious, isn’t it, how we get ideas in our head about others; who they are; and what we think they should be doing? In fact, that is the easy part. The harder part, at least for me, has been carrying around the ideas I have in my head about who I am and what I think I should be doing.
If we don’t like what someone else is doing or if we think they should be doing something else, we can tell them and wait for a change or we can walk away and go home (or if we are home, we can go to another room or out for an errand).
What do we do when it is ourselves? Let’s see – there are many possibilities on my list and all of them, I have tried. Here are just a few. Talk to a friend who tells me all is okay. Get a self-help book and declare that I am now changing myself into someone better. Go on a diet. Go for a walk or head to yoga class. Begin writing. Change jobs. Go on vacation. Think about moving. Cook dinner. Start a project to save the world. Begin a blog.
The journey of discovery for me has been learning about myself at a deep level. It has been about becoming comfortable in my skin. And, it has been about releasing the boundaries of who I thought I was and being the person, I am. The journey has been a dance: between partipating fully in the world, the extrovert and couragous adventurer and the quiet, shy one, seeking silence to go within, to be with my imagination and artistry. It has been re-aquainting myself with my intuition, connecting it with my intensity, and learning to trust the result.
The shy one has turned into a woman who has a lot to share, but I am still a bit shy. To date, I have only shared this blog link with two people, my younger brother, Charles, who shared what he had learned about blogs; and my daughter, Sarah. But, as with most things, I am getting more comfortable writing to an audience that is in cyberspace. That is true, but not entirely. Underneath the doing and the blog channel, I am still getting comforable in my own skin, the writer, the sharer, and the journey-woman.
This is the journey – real-time – unplugged. Life expands and beckons us into her arms. At first, we are excited for having the invitation and then, the possibilities that await us. At some point, we do get to choose to take the first step and move the energy of excitement into the courage to begin, the commitment to keep going and the confidence to trust the path.